Analiza: How does the Boss Mama make big decisions in life? Like who to marry? Or should I leave my safe corporate job and start my own business? Today we're talking with Chinese American Stephanie Chen Banjo. Stephanie talks about her journey where she learned to stop listening to her brain and actually start listening to her heart. She went to Virginia Tech, and she went through the standard success checklist so that by the time she was 30, she had gotten married, had two kids, lived in six different countries and gotten promoted in her corporate career. But with all that, she realized that she felt empty and devoid of fulfillment. So Stephanie shares her slow and painful journey to start to listen to her heart and get really clear on what she wanted, and that it wasn't about coming from a place of trying to prove herself but actually trying to come from a place of feeling enough. Stephanie is a great example of one of the Boss Mama strategies we talked about which is Visualize Victory. She shares that during this process, she envisioned what she wanted in her life, both professional and personal. And she shares a specific step she used to envision her future and ways that she keeps this vision alive and coming back to it. And with all of this, it's allowed her to have the Boss Mama life. She's dreamed of being able to have a job that she cares about, as well as spend time with her family and also practice self care. I am really excited for you to meet this Boss Mama!

I'm excited to talk with you. There's so much to learn, in particular I want to start with your name. So Stephanie Chen, Banjo, I have three names as well. And I'm curious what's behind your name?

Stephanie: Yeah, hi. So Analiza thanks for having me on. For my name, Yes, that has definitely a story to it. So my name is Stephanie Chen. That's the one I grew up with all my life. And after I married Martin, his last name is banjo. But he also as a side note has like five other names, and so do our kids. It's very complicated. And I've always loved simplicity. But when we were getting married, we were about to move abroad. So I didn't have time to do all the legal stuff. So I was like, alright, Martin, I'm going to keep my name is Stephanie Chen. But I'm going to tag on Banjo to give a nod to the fact that we're married and I love you and we're committed, etc. And so I did that. And fast forward eight, nine years, and we have just been traveling so much and I have been dragging my feet on it. It's still legally Stephanie Chen. But on all of my social media in my emails, it's definitely Chen Banjo. So I feel like I've gotten the best of both worlds. But I think the important thing about keeping Chen was really I didn't want to lose that tie and connection to my culture, something that has been so important to me, it's really shaped a lot of who I am. And I wanted to pass that on to my children as well. So even as my daughter was being named, and she had different names being bestowed from her Nigerian side of the family, her Tanzania inside of the family, she had four middle names, and I was like, wait one more, I'm going to add Chen. So she now has five middle names, but she has all of her cultures infused inside of her.

Analiza: I love that Stephanie. My name is Analiza Quiroz Wolf. And it was really, really hard for me actually to release that Quiroz because I really wanted like you to have a tie to culture. So I did all the legal stuff because I'm like a rule follower. But I often when I meet people, I say Analiza Quiroz Wolf and then I'll try to figure out well, that's kind of long for an email address. But me too, it's so important that I have kiddos that my kids have it too in our culture and Filipino culture. When we get married we move our last name to our middle name so for females, I then took my husband's last name, then my last name became my middle name so Annalisa Quiroz Wolf. Then my kids Bryson Qurioz Wolf, and Scarlet Quiroz Wolf, I imagine like we have these conversations with our kids right about where our names come from. So I love, love, love that about your story. So that leads me then Stephanie, you mentioned so much about, you met Martin, and you're headed off to this. Traveling, you're going to move to a different country. And I know that that's another thing we connected on is just that we love you. and I both love traveling and experiencing other cultures and having our kids be part of it. Where did this motivation come from?

Stephanie:35 Yeah, good question. I mean, so on a very surface level, it's just fun to experience new cultures. On a deeper level, it really traces back to a time I have to say when I remember, it was when I was seven years old. I was in elementary school. And it was during lunchtime, I was in a cafeteria in a group full of girls. And I remember thinking to myself, I've made it, I've made it into the cool crowd, it was like kind of a lot of the cool popular girls. And then I never forget the moment when it was time for everyone to pull up their lunches. And I just without even thinking about it pulled out my rice and dumplings and sauteed beef and come to think of it. I think I even had chopsticks in there. And then in that same breath, everyone else pulled out their neatly cut cucumber sandwiches or peanut butter and jelly. And then the moment my heart froze was when someone looked at me and said, No. And she pinched her nose and said that smells. And in that moment, I remember freezing, my heart sank. And I was like, Whoa, like, clearly I don't belong. And so I just remember in that moment, even though it was so long ago, like it shaped I think, in a very positive way, this kind of sentiment that hey, what if I could build a world in which my kids will never have to have their differences used as a source of shame, but as a source of celebration? And so I remember thinking that in the moment to say, Okay, this really sucks right now feeling so ostracized. And yet what if that could be the reason why I want to create a world in which my kids actually really learn to celebrate their differences. And so I think that was the route that really inspired me to want to, for myself, experience a lot of different cultures perspectives, because we can only take our kids as far as we've been able to go for ourselves, I challenged myself and said, hey, you know what, I probably am susceptible to as much of the biases and stereotypes as anybody else. And if I were raised in a homogenous society, of course, I would probably see the world through a very narrow lens as well. So I made it my goal to just continue to open my lens, open my aperture on life, and like what I was able to see and experience and knew if I did, it would just naturally be mirrored onto my kids. I think because of that, I started to focus on looking for opportunities that would help expose me to different cultures. I was always the first person to raise my hand to volunteer to work with children in underserved schools. And I was always the first to raise my hand, even when in my church, they were like, Who wants to go to Mexico City, live there for a summer and found myself crammed in a apartment with 10 people, you know, in a two bedroom apartment, while my studying abroad and Hong Kong and Spain and everything. So that was the root of it that really birthed this openness and hunger for experiencing cultures.

Analiza: I love Stephanie, that you took this moment of shame. And I can imagine being in the cool club. And now they're, they say something not very nice about the food. And yet you took that moment and said, What could that be for me and for my kids so that that shame doesn't exist. And we actually value diversity and value, the different perspectives and cultures. It's beautiful. So I want to highlight that I also want to highlight that you said, our kids can only go as far as we have gone. And that is so true. Our own growth. We do it for ourselves, but we also do it for our kids, because they're watching us. They're modeling after us. I so love that you took this experience, you helped grow yourself, and then you went on to really build this exciting life. So I want to go back when you raised your hand and got to go to all these cool experiences. So what did you imagine you would be like? What did young Stephanie imagine and dream you would be when you look forward and projected into the future?

Stephanie: If I'm completely honest, I don't know. Like that picture probably wasn't like a photograph, if you will, with clearly etched lines and colors. It was more of this abstract painting. So when I think back to when I was younger, and I was imagining my future self, I don't know if I could have sat there and clearly articulated all the details of what that would look like. But I knew how I would feel when I was there. So I knew I would feel on fire. I don't know why that phrase always comes to mind. But there's something about the pace where I wasn't kind of sitting on the sidelines of life. But I was on the field I was playing, I was alive, I was going after different opportunities. I did always imagine it in different countries, that was something that was just always a part of what I envisioned. It's not surprising that we then ended up leading the life that we have so far, because at a young age, even though I couldn't articulate the specifics, I always did imagine this kind of border lifts life where we would just kind of ebb and flow and move back and forth, and really just continue to soak up and learn and build new relationships along the way.

Analiza: So I can imagine you thinking, okay, that's going to be this quarter last life, and you're going through high school and college, and you're taking opportunities. Map me back to that. Did you think about like, I want to do international opportunities, like how you make decisions, brain versus heart, like, what really drove you there?

Stephanie: Looking back, I made a lot of decisions with my brain, I was very head focused. Looking at me now I'm like, meant to be led with my heart, right? Like, I just go so much further and so much quicker. When I allow my heart My gut instinct, the power of presence, and when I allow myself to be in that space, but back then before, everything had to go through this very rigid checkbox. Does this make sense? I wanted to do the Peace Corps, I think that was actually my main thing. I really wanted to gain experiences where I could go abroad, but also serve and just learn about different cultures, but do something meaningful at the same time. And I'm trying to remember, what had me say, No, it was when I got a kind of safe corporate job, it just landed on my lap, there was a neighbor that I had a connection with. And he was looking for someone to support him and his engineering company. And then when I got it, I was like, quote, unquote, in air quotes, this is it, right? Like, this is what I'm meant to do. I'm supposed to get a safe corporate job, and I get a consistent salary, and I have a boss to report it to. So there were all these constructs of safety that really lured me in. And I think following my head, I said, No, this is the quote unquote, right choice. And so I said yes to that. And for that time being I said no to all of my heart wanting at that moment to go abroad to do meaningful work that I really believed in. So I put all of that on hold.

Analiza: Oh, my gosh, I totally get that. When I was at Stanford, it was like the choice of jobs were thinking or consulting. And if you got one of those choice jobs, you're like, Oh, I made it. It's so hard to get these jobs, and you get the job. And then what happens? Walk us through, you're really thinking with your brain, you got this really great job. When did you start to think with your heart? What made you start to do that?

Stephanie: Well, funny enough, you know, we're talking about careers. But I think the moment in my life that really started to help me shift from operating from my brain into my heart was when I met Martin, who is my current husband. So I'll share a story that always pops into my mind, that really makes me think about the choice that I had to make at that moment. This was before we started dating. And we were still in that kind of really fun, but kind of awkward honeymoon stage over like, I think I like you. I think I like you. We hadn't made anything official yet. And so I hadn't told my parents yet. So there's just one day he came over, and we're hanging out and it was summer, and we actually just hung out in the car. And we were on the street in my neighborhood. And we were just talking. And we had the windows roll down. We were talking about a relationship. And we were just trying to suss things out and see where we're going. And all of a sudden, we see my little brother, who at that time was 11. He's a lot younger than me. And at that time, he was 11. And he was walking by and he sees us and he then backs up kind of like, reverses back and he looks in the car and he says, Oh, are you guys dating? And because we hadn't officially announced it or even formalized it within ourselves as well. It was so awkward. And we started just like mumbling random things and we're like, okay, bye, Zach. But I think what that moment really symbolizes for us was we realized we had a choice to own up to our relationship, me being a Chinese American Girl, him being a black man from Nigeria and Tanzania. We were from two different worlds and yet the thing that really united us was our cheesy as it sounds but love for each other and our faith as well. So we realize that it's not going to be a downhill journey. From here. It's going to take intention and it's going to take ownership for us to say okay, this is what we choose, and just own it. So I think in that moment, looking back, that was the point at which we said, okay, you know what, this is not going to be easy. Do we choose it? Yes or no? And it was a very clear cut yes or no. And we both said, yes. So that's an example of when I listened to my heart over my head, because I think my head would have said stuff. This doesn't make sense. It's going to be an uphill battle, you're going to have so many questions to answer from your family, you go back and visit Taiwan, and maybe with your kids, how are they going to react? What are they going to say? So a lot of those questions popped up. And I think in my previous life, I probably would have said, Okay, you're right, this doesn't make sense. Like, let's go the quote unquote, normal or easy path. And I think that that's what the big shift is going from Head to Heart, really, for me, symbolizes that transition from valuing courage over safety and comfort.

Analiza: I love that so much love and love. It's cheesy, but it's real. And I love that together decided, decided that it was worth it that your love was worth it. But the colorism and racism is real. As an Asian American myself, there's so much colorism, racism, and I'm imagining with your family. What did they say? What did your parents say? And when you officially shared the news,

Stephanie: It took them a while. My dad had to take a pause. But it wasn't a long pause. And he quickly realized, you know, what, what are the things that are coming up for me, and I think he really quickly owned it and said, You know what, that's my stuff. And I'm going to learn to recognize there's nothing objectively that I can say, doesn't work with this relationship. They always wanted me to marry someone who loved me, who respected me, who even shared the same faith as I did, and it checked all those boxes, right. And so I think he quickly realized that, and I think that was a moment for me to really step into empathy to understand like, okay, hey, take your time. Of course, it makes sense. If I was someone who grew up in a homogenous society, and who learned to see things a certain way. Of course, when I'm countering something that is different, or it's outside of that, quote, unquote, box, it probably would rock me a little bit as well. And so as hard as it was for me, like I wanted their approval immediately, but it did take them a while for my mom, it took a little longer. But today she loves and embraces Martin. And I think the sign of it was Martin always tells me the moment I knew that your mom loves and embraces me as much as she asks me to do housework. So whenever we visit, or she visits when my mom asks him to do something, he just like proudly, will go and support her whatever. Because he knows that she will only ask people she knows loves and trusts. It's beautiful seeing all of our relationships today. But yeah, when it initially happened, it took everyone a second to really ground themselves and say, Okay, what's coming up for me? Is this a source of my own bias? Is there something factual here that we can even oppose? Or is this just a perception that I really need to work on changing? So I'm really proud of all of us and how we navigated it. If you spoke to me during it, I probably would be coming across in a different way, because it was very tough, I didn't think it would be any time at all. And so I took that to mean that they didn't accept him. Whereas now I look back and realize they really wanted to, they just had to go down their own journey to come to that place where they could own that for themselves and say, Yes, we embrace you with open arms.

Analiza: I imagine that moment. And I even had moments like that when I was a teen trying to explain to my dad about dating, he was like, so old school. So I love the wisdom that you're sharing back, but also the Odyssey that while you were going through the times, it was hard, it was really hard. Something that's come up a couple times now in our conversation, Stephanie is just your empathy. I've been really impressed with how even in that painful moment, you tried to understand your parents perspective, that coming from a homogenous environment, they would make sense that they could feel this rejection of someone you loved. And that you understand that because that's such compassion. And most people, including myself, take the time to try to understand others' perspectives. Hats off to you, not just from listening to your brain, but going more to your heart, but also just like being so compassionate. So now you're starting to listen to your heart and you've got this beautiful man, you're you mentioned earlier, you're headed off to another country you're not yet sure if I should change my name. And you've got this great job in many ways you hadn't made right. This is a beautiful setup, and you're now abroad. So what happened there? Where are you like this is the peak moment I'm living life to the greatest what happened?

Stephanie: For a moment and I mean a few years that is but I thought I walked around saying and believing like we have it all here. And it really came from a place of gratitude. We were living in London, we lived in this really cool area that had a lot of history. Everyone wanted to come visit us. So we had a rotating door of visitors, because we're in London and everyone around the world always came to visit us. So our original community had two healthy kids and was working at an organization that I loved and admired. And in the UK, they give you one year maternity leave. So throughout all of that, I was able to do all of that and still have time for my kids. So for a while, yes, if you asked me there, I would say Check, check, check, every single box you could possibly imagine was checked off. And the turning point was this. There was this moment after I had gone on maternity leave with my son. And we started talking about the prospect of moving to Jamaica, in a spirit of our love for adventure for travel. You know, we're very opportunistic, when something comes our way we have this way of saying what if this actually just meant to be our next step? Like, what if this is part of the plan? Like, who are we to say no to it, right, unless there's a clear reason not to take it. As I started to think about my life moving beyond the constructs of living in this society, feeling safe, because you're part of the system, you're part of a company, you're part of this structure. So I started thinking out to start to think, Oh, my goodness, what would my life look like if it weren't, I started reflecting a lot. There was this one day I was walking in this field. So we lived in this place, there's this football club, so football in the UK, soccer. So this football club is locally called arsenal. And they upgraded a few years ago, where they moved their stadium, maybe five blocks down and created a huge new stadium, but their old stadium, they converted to these modern apartment blocks. And that's where we lived was really cool. They converted the fan stands into apartments. And in the middle was the pitch where they used to play their games. And then they convert it into this garden area. The ironic thing was they didn't allow anyone to kick balls in that garden. And so we would often play around it, it was all guarded, it had fenced off. So our kids would run around, we would run around and there was maybe around noon, I was walking with my son, my daughter had gone to preschool. And he was falling asleep in his stroller and I was just pushing him around. In that pitch, they had these really large glass structures, and on the inside, it was filled with water and bubbles. And every maybe half hour or an hour, the engine would turn on and the bubbles would come on and lightshow would come. And it was one of my favorite features, right? It was always very comforting to see that there. One day on this particular day I was walking by and I see this massive crack in that structure. It almost looks like someone took a sledgehammer to it and it started to just crack out. And it's very bizarre. I don't know what happened. But at that moment, I was filled with deep panic and fear. And looking back, I realized that was a symbol for what my life was. I had created an engineered life that was safe, it was protected. Like those glass structures, I was on the inside. And I could kind of float around and do my thing. But it was still trapped inside of this glass structure. And I realized that's how I made choices my entire life. Everything was around, will it give me safety? Will it give me protection? Will it keep me from the hardships of this world? And then when I saw that crack, I think that was that point at which I realized I wanted out. It is scary. But I want out. I'm ready to live a bigger life. It was a very mixed moment. There was a lot of fear, because I knew that that's starting to grow inside of me. But there was this also emerging sense of freedom that I had known like, Okay, this is not it's definitely your life has been great. And you've checked all these boxes. But it's been built on a notion that it's better to be safe than to be courageous with your life and to do the things you know in your heart you're meant to do.

Analiza: Oh my gosh, I'm picturing you with the stroller and you see the structure. It's really profound imagery to see this crack. And something that you saw is beautiful and comforting. Actually, it was a symbol to say you needed to dress your insides and get over, see the fear and move past the fear. So that's really amazing. Bring us back to this moment. You see it you realize it now you need to take action, which is hard. Tell me what did you do? He's also break down scary as heck right? What do you do?

Stephanie: At that moment I panic. For sure. Like right and that's the great thing, I think that we're such multi dimensional people that we can both feel fear and promise and hope and freedom in one breath. And I think that's where I was. But that fear was real. But I didn't really know. That's what it was then like, if you asked me, I would have just really I don't know, I just feel this intense fear and anxiety building. Fast forward a bit, because that was the transition. We were leaving the UK. And that's what prompted a little bit of this. It's like, Ah, we're leaving, I'm going to Jamaica, what am I doing? Who am I there? Can I even work? So fast forward, I realized, I need some help outside of myself, like my mind. My own abilities have taken me farther than I knew how to go on from there, right. So I was like, let me get some help. So once we moved to Jamaica, I hired a coach. And the phrase I always remember that really stuck with me that made me say yes to working with her, was, as she says, I believe that you can have this successful career and fulfilling life and be a devoted and loving mother at the same time. And that blew my mind in the moment, because I realized I had lived in such an either-or world, everything was like you either choose this or this, you either are this high flying woman of success, and achievement, or you're this like stay at home, mom doting and caring for your kids. And when you really realize what if it can be both? And what if you could define it in a way that works for you, that really gave me the inspiration and hope to start doing some of my inner work. So I could really build this life for myself and my family. So that was my first step, hire a coach to help me sort through all of this.

Analiza: I love that dichotomy that you can have fear and also hope. And so you can step through the anxiety and the overwhelm and all these emotions and still step forward. That's great. The other piece is that your coach, I mean, that's what Boss Mama's is about, that you can have a fulfilling, impactful, and also financially lucrative career and be a wonderful mom, a devoted mom, you don't have to trade. There's not a ton of examples. So it does blow our mind when we're thinking about Wow, is that really possible? And yes, it is. So I love that first step, that you got some support and inspiration. And what do you do after that, Stephanie?

Stephanie: After that, I knew I needed to break past a lot of these beliefs that I had, because the thing is, sometimes you will see women walk around to let's say, quote, unquote, habit all or based on what we think is all. But if they don't believe it, if they're not owning it, there still can be that feeling of disempowerment of like, oh, I have no choice. But I need to do this, right? And so I realized, like, I had a few messed up beliefs around that. And to really tackle that I needed to start breaking out of my confines of what I thought was possible. My coach challenged me to do a visioning exercise, I had never done one, I thought it sounded a little bit like woo, and out there coming from a previously very head driven person. I was like, I don't know what this is, but I'll try it. And so looking back, the idea that really is, you know, I think a lot of us live our lives to say, Okay, I'll believe it when I see it. Like, once I see the evidence for it, like, oh, then of course, I'll believe it. When I realized I was making that decision to step into a life where you value courage over comfort, and when you dare to dream big and then go after it, you really need to believe it first, so you can see it. And I think once you believe it's possible, it allows you to start seeing those opportunities in your day to day. So I was like, oh, I need to first kind of create the art of the possible I needed to like spell it out. So I got together with a friend. And we set out an entire afternoon, where we can just dedicate to doing this as an exercise. And she was going through something similar with her coach. So we're like, perfect, let's do it together. So she came over one day, both of our kids were in school slash daycare. So I'm like, okay, perfect, just like our time we get this to ourselves. And we went to my office, I was like, oh, no, I don't have paper. So I went down to my kids' art station, and grabbed those like easel papers that you can unroll. So we just unrolled across our entire wall horizontally, just a strip of paper for the both of us. Then we set aside 45 minutes on a timer and we said we would just play some music. And what we would do and we would check back in with each other every 15 minutes. But what we started off with was just mind mapping. I think for me, I'm such a visual person, it's really good to just be able to put it all onto paper. So we identify the top categories that would spell out what our vision could be right? So we think about career, family, friends, mental emotional health, physical health, finances as well. So we would put each of these categories in the center, and put a little circle around it. And then when we started to create the branches of the mind map, the question that we asked was, What is the thing you most want? In this category? The next category? What is the thing that you most want? If you knew you could have it? And I think that was the question that really unlocked it for us. Because I think oftentimes, when we vision or make goals, or think about next steps, we cap it at what we think is possible, or what we think is reasonable, or maybe what we even deserve. This question says, Hey, if you knew you could have it, if this could drop in your lap today, what's the thing you truly want? So you really focus on what is possible. What is the vision, get the sky is truly the limit versus being held back by our logic or rationale, past experiences, etc. So we just systematically went through that and went through each category and asked ourselves, okay, like, if this were the most amazing picture of success, for family, for career for finances, what is the thing that we most want, if we knew we could have it, and then we went and just wrote down notes for each one. And then every 15 minutes, we would regroup, share with each other, ask each other questions just to validate and really solidify some of the things that we had written down. So that was the process just for how we really got started with it. And I'm happy to share more about how we've kept that alive afterwards.

Analiza: I mean, I'd love to go there, actually, because I imagine you created this vision board. I love that picture of you taking your kid his easel paper and spreading it across. And you do this, which is great for 45 minutes with some fun music. But what do you do with that? So it's there? Like, do you leave it there? Do you tuck it away? Like, what do you do with that?

Stephanie: That's such a great question. Because I find that this is where most people get tripped up, you know, we can sit there and create these beautiful visions. You know, some people do vision boards and set goals. But the key really is how do you keep it alive and nurture it every single day. So I like to look at it as I'm developing a relationship with your vision or your goals, whatever you call it in whatever form you're doing. It's almost like if this were your like child or partner or a good friend, how would you nurture that on a day to day basis? How would you remember it? How would you try to grow it? Sometimes we want to always create a vision of big goals. And we almost want to create these, step by step, very mechanical plans to get there. And what I realize is that sometimes that gets us too much in our head. And we're too focused on getting there in the future, that we fail to see all the opportunities to bring that to life through the presence. Some of the questions that I asked myself that kind of it's simple, but it's not easy to be consistent, right? But it's simple in the sense that it's every day, just asking yourself, some of the questions are, for example, if you already have achieved this vision, like how would you approach your mornings, you become the type of person to do X, whatever you put in there. How would you approach this situation? What are the three actions you would take today? So you're almost starting to channel the person and who you are in that future state. And you bring that in the present? And you put on that lens to say, Okay, how would this person look at the situation? How would this person approach this client? How would this person talk to their kids? And so it's kind of like a little bit of a mind bend. But it works really well because it helps me stay present, while also focusing on knowing what it's all for in terms of what I want in the future. I think another way to do it is to just have accountability. After that session with my friend, we actually just set a meeting for a year after that, where we said let's check in on this a year from now. And we knew we'd be in different countries. By that time. We were both going to be moving back to different countries. But we said you know what, let's check in let's keep this alive. Let this just be a one off thing. But yeah, so that's in terms of what I do. From there. I would say it's really just the power of asking yourself every morning when you wake up, what are the three things that I'll do to get myself closer to this? And at the end of the day, okay, what are the three things that I did? Is it closer? Is it further away? Or what does my vision need from me today? And really bring it to life and kind of play around with it so that it makes it kind of like a fun experiment in a way.

Analiza: I love this theme of be her now that when you set the vision, it's not something out there in space, but actually something to bring forward. So if we could get if we do have those things already that we envisioned, how would we choose? Who would we be and show up because it manifests the future. So I love that. And I also love the concept of synchronicity that we then start to see all these opportunities that we might not have seen. Have we not been clear on this vision and then started to call that energy to us? It sounds so weird, doesn't it? I mean, I would have been like, really pre Anna Lisa would have been, Oh, my goodness, that's such craziness. It's not very brain centered. So I love that it is very heart centered. I love to hear some examples, Stephanie from your life, because you have met with her. I don't know how many times after your annual retreat or check back in? Have you manifested those things that you drew, that you wrote down? What does that look like for you?

Stephanie: One of the components of the vision exercise that we had done, I think this was in December of 2019. One of the things that I wrote down was, I'm a coach, I'm a leadership coach, and I work with teams, I work with individuals, like people who really want to uplevel their leadership, and who really care and want to make an impact in the world, right. And they see their leadership and their platform as a way to do that. And one of the things I wrote down was wanting to work with people who are in seats of power, like traditional power listens that we think of, because I think about it, and I put politicians, lawyers as examples. And I was like these people oftentimes are at the forefront of making some huge decisions that have outsized impact for people all around the world, if you will. And if these people have the type of support, and continued growth opportunities, and even that mirror back to reflect and gain greater self awareness, how much can that impact their ability to make sound decisions on behalf of so many people that would be impacted, right? And so I always found that really exciting and being that person to support people who are in that kind of frontline, and in the seat of power, making a lot of decisions. So of course, I knew we were moving to DC. So I started thinking about people in politics, and then I knew that the legal industry was huge in DC as well, a lot of lawyers working on cases that have a can make history, if you will, right. That's something that I put down, but I have no clue. I was like, I don't even know, like, how do I even do that, right, but I just put it down, because that's something that I really sensed was going to be part of my future and what I wanted, six months later, my husband and because I started talking about that, right, I started wanting to bring that to life, I was like, I don't want to do it, I'm just gonna start talking about it. So six months later, my husband actually introduced me to a contact that he had, from his mom who knew hit her back in Tanzania. Anyway, she worked as the head of dei and a really large DC law firm. And yeah, from then on out, we really hit it off. And I started to work with them on a women's initiative where we developed a group program that really focused on how to empower these emerging leaders to be able to build their success and their career path in a way that's not really held back by let's say the system around them. But they're really empowered to go forward and build that for themselves. And, and have fun along the way as well, that kicked off. And that was the most exciting thing to me, because it not only was a great business opportunity and time for me to work with these women. But it was such a confirmation that when you are able to put something out there for yourself in the world, that allows you to start talking about it to start bringing it to life, which will then start bringing opportunities to you. So that was one of the aspects of the vision that did, you know, have some very tangible results that I was most excited about.

Analiza: That's a great example. And I love how you put it out there weren't sure how to even get there, but started to believe trust and talk about it with others and then the universe reflected back opportunity. So with that before we get to lightning round questions, any other ways in which women can incorporate these visioning or just even the thought work that you mentioned here? Before I move to questions?

Stephanie: Yeah. One other one comes to mind. So it's really related to visioning. Because when you talk about visioning, sometimes people will say, when I envision I think about the future, what if that makes me Isn't that just a symbol of me being unhappy with my present? Right? And so the thing I love with this is it allows for both and allows you to both be immensely present. And yes, still desiring more than wanting to grow for the future. Right. One tip that comes to mind is in those moments when you let's say you've created a vision or you've set some goals for yourself, and you're thinking about it from the future. What it can sometimes do, it creates discontentment with our present, we can say, Man, why aren't we there yet? Like, when will we get there? When I'm there, I will be x. And so one way to really bridge the gap between what we think that future gives us and just being fully present, is to ask myself and say, okay, Stephanie, like, what will you get? When you get x? Right? When you start when you build this $5 million company, which is my goal? What will you get when you get there? How will that make you feel? Right? And so I think the answer for me is like, I will feel very content and proud of myself, I will feel satisfied, I'll feel fulfilled, then I think the trick is to say, okay, Stephanie, how can you create all of that in your today? How can you learn how to be content in your today as well? How can you find fulfillment, today? How can you find satisfaction? Well, some of it is using what we think we will get in the future, try to find it in your today as well, because we think that when we get to a certain place, a certain destination, that everything will be great. But I truly have learned to love the journey just as much as the destination. Because the beauty is in not just the arriving at but it's the becoming, it's the reward is in becoming the person who knows how to build a $5 million business, not just getting that because that could go away, something can happen. And you can lose the business, but who you become with those internal skills, all of the things you've mastered: your mental muscles, emotional muscles, your know how those can never be taken away from you, those are within you for life, that you can then always be invested in your next thing. So I think it's really then learning how to kind of be with yourself in the present and say, yeah, when I get there, that will be great. And today, I am still enough today, I still can make magic happen and make the most out of my day. And just cherish the fact that I'm alive. And I get this opportunity to just be on this journey and continue to become the best version of myself.

Analiza: I love that. And also the best version is the most peaceful content fulfilled, not necessarily like the career best. So that's really beautiful. All right. With that, Stephanie, let's do lightning round questions.

Stephanie: All right,

Analiza: Starting off with chocolate or vanilla?

Stephanie: Chocolate.

Analiza: Cooking or take out?

Stephanie: Take out.

Analiza: Climb a mountain or jump from a plane?

Stephanie: Climb a mountain.

Analiza: Have you ever worn socks with sandals?

Stephanie: Absolutely.

Analiza: How would you rate your karaoke skills on a scale of one to 10/10 being Mariah Carey?

Stephanie: Unfortunately, four.

Analiza: Recent book you've read?

Stephanie: Crucial Conversations.

Analiza: What's your favorite way to practice self care?

Stephanie: Working out and doing YouTube exercises in my basement.

Analiza: What's a good professional development you've done?

Stephanie: It's called Kickstart your Edge, a group for coaches who want to work with companies and teams.

Analiza: What's your definition of Boss Mama?

Stephanie: Someone who values courage over comfort, defines what they want, owns it, then pursues it relentlessly?

Analiza: What advice would you give your younger self?

Stephanie: Find a coach.

Analiza: Where can we find you?

Stephanie: So LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook.

Analiza: And do you have a final ask recommendation, parting thoughts for the audience?

Stephanie: I want to always come back to choose your heart. So whatever it is, you're wondering about or maybe undecided about in your life, the one I always come back to is choose your heart. So for example, if you want to be a boss, Mama, there's going to be certain hard components that come to it. Sometimes with that freedom with that ability to make your own call, make your choices. It's a lot of ownership and a lot of responsibility. And that's hard in many ways. And yet on the other side, when you also then let's say living a life where it's safer, maybe more comfortable, that's also going to be hard as well because you're not going to be feeling like you're fulfilling your true potential or feeling like you're really just living out loud and on purpose and so both have their heart one of the kind of most helpful things to remember is for me, at least is just to acknowledge the heart and say okay, life it's gonna be 50-50 we look back at it, and all is said and done. Yeah, 50% probably was just smooth sailing. 50% is hard. It's going to be 50-50, either way, which is the one that most aligns with the vision that you have for yourself, where you can look back at the end of the day and say I made it count.

Analiza: Love it. Stephanie, thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate all the stories.

Stephanie: Thanks for having me and hope to talk to you soon.

Analiza: Thank you so much for carving out time today to hear today's podcast. Three things before you go. First, if you found it helpful, please leave a five star review. Second, please share with someone else you can share the link and post on Facebook and say check it out. Lastly, I want to thank you for being a listener and you can go to get a free self care bonus called juicy or joy at Analizawolf.com/freebonus. Thank you so much.