Analiza: Hi, I'm Analiza Quiroz Wolf, proud Asian American mama of two kiddos. I went from being a burned out mama to being a Boss Mama, being a boss at work home and playing. I'm on a mission to help more women be Boss Mamas. If you want to thrive at work without sacrificing family or self care, you're in the right place. I'm launching my next cohort of women leaders starting in January. The online course is eight weeks and has helped achieving women get the balanced joy and fulfillment they deserve. Go to analizawolf.com/bossmamas to learn more. Now, let's get into today's show!

Do you know what brings you joy? Is it possible for a busy mom who is a busy leader to create a life full of happiness? Today we're talking with Sarah Filippovitz, and she shares her journey to being a Boss Mama and how that started as a young child where she learned from her mom about how to do all the things. Her mom was a nurse, a professor, a founder, and a leader of a nursing school, and all of this on top of being a mom of three kids. So Sara learned a lot from her mom, and she carried that through going to St. Bonaventure University, got her BA, then to Boston College, got her Master's, and became a reading specialist. And she does that for about a decade,meets the man of her dreams, and she makes a decision. Rather than continue her career, she goes back to her husband's community and really prioritizes his career and his success. So Sarah is at a loss of identity, she no longer has her career. And she decides to fill her time with lots of projects, volunteers for kids school, and also does a ton of fundraising for the community. And with that Sara's really successful, more and more people want to give her more projects to do and Sarah says yes. So Sarah joined Boss Mamas with the intention of wanting to leave that life and pursue entrepreneurship. She was just starting a business, and she wanted to have better leadership and a clear sense of identity. But what she got from the program was not just that, but also how to create a life of joy. Sarah shares her Boss Mama journey and what she discovered when she put herself and herself into care. First, she shares how that opened up a ton of connection with her family and had a ton of joy for herself, and also how she learned to say no to all the many requests that come her way. I'm really excited for you to learn from this Boss Mama.

Sarah, I'm so glad to be talking with you. And we're gonna kick off this conversation, Sarah, talking about your young self. And I'm curious, what kind of dreams did you have?

Sarah: When I was a child, I always thought I'm going to follow in my father's footsteps. And I'm going to be an attorney. And I wanted to be a trial lawyer. I was definitely confident and enjoyed the conversation. And I just thought my dad was fantastic. So I was like, This is what I'm going to do. This is for sure my destiny.

Analiza: Did you have any dreams in addition to being a lawyer about mommyhood? Or what family would look like?

Sarah: Not really, I just kind of always focused on where I was going to be as an adult in my job. And I didn't give much thought to family or kids.

Analiza: So we're going to fast forward. And I know that you didn't end up being a lawyer. So what happened?

Sarah: So I had two experiences. One when I was a senior in high school, where I volunteered to help a little girl with Downs syndrome. And I would go to her kind of church classes with her and sit with her. And I started to realize how much I liked helping her with learning and during her unstructured time and just helping her be a part of the class. And we developed a really nice relationship. So I thought, well this is pretty cool. So I went to college in the fall and I went to a liberal arts school and I still was kind of thinking I might do law school. So let's start as a history major. And then I was assigned what they call a buddy, so like a little sister at that time and I spent a lot of time helping her with her homework and taking her to do some kind of fun activities during the week and really became very connected to her. So this time and the time helping the little girl the year before I realized that I think I wanted to pursue teaching and education. So I kind of stopped, switched gears and added some education classes into my courses the next semester and loved it.

Analiza: I'm curious, Sarah, you found your passion and your teaching. I know you became a reading specialist, and you're in Boston and your masters there, you also fall in love. So this is the moment now where you end up deciding to move. And so tell me about that. I mean, you are leaving your East Coast life and you're headed in a completely different place. Like what happened? What was the decision behind that mental model behind that decision?

Sarah: Yeah, I mean, love conquers all right? Well, I had, you know, I had been working for 10 years, and I loved my career, I loved living on the East Coast, I love living in the city. And I had my own set of dreams to continue in my own education. And my husband of two months, came home from work one day and was like, you know, I was given this great opportunity back in Ohio with the company I work for, and I really want to take it. So you know, I had to take it all in and in the middle of a school year. So I'd already started and had that commitment. And I remember feeling excited and terrified. I mean, this was everything that I had been working for, and was familiar with, and my friends, everything was in Boston, and we're moving back to Ohio, where my husband was from and his family was, and, you know, at the time, I think I thought maybe this is what you're supposed to do with marriage, right? Like one person gets this opportunity. And the other person's expected just to say yes, and support and follow. And I think I thought, even as you know, maybe a wife, the role is to do this, because his job at the time was making more money. And it seemed like that was the direction we should go. So we made the move. And I totally changed my lifestyle, from urban to suburban from working too, all of a sudden not working. And it was really hard. I mean, everything about it was really hard.

Analiza: Trying to picture you, Sarah, you know, you're now in Ohio, in a neighborhood with a garage and cars. And you know, you do end up having two beautiful daughters.

Sarah: Well, it was, I mean, parts of it were wonderful, right? Like you said, I have these two beautiful daughters. And I filled my time, like, you know, when I stayed home with them, and I kind of made that my focus, I tried consulting, when we first got there to make friends. And that wasn't really working out for our schedule. So I just threw myself into my kids and said yes to every opportunity that came about for them, and tried to be a mom who really made things happen in the community. And so I would, you know, take on whether it was preschool, I would say yes to fundraising there or, you know, supporting the classroom in any way as my kids got into school. Again, I would try to volunteer as much as possible, use my services there. And I started to realize I'm taking on all these extra roles, I would say yes to local fundraisers, but also other fundraising activities for the hospitals nearby or the urban schools. And I was trying to do as much as I can to maybe feel like I was working and yeah, being relevant and doing my best and saying yes to everybody who asked me, so I ended up at home, but busier than I have ever been before in my life doing as much as I possibly could for as many people as possible.

Analiza: Sarah, you're actually doing multiple jobs, right? You're the fundraiser lead for many different projects. You are also on board, you're also a classroom helper. You're shuttling your kids back and forth to all their practices. And I know that your husband travels a lot for his job. And so you're home a lot of the time by yourself and in a new community, trying to make friends and even getting to know your community, like what was that like?

Sarah: I think that what I was struggling with most was the loss of identity. You know, I had left myself behind, and we moved here so that my husband could pursue his job. But I also came into a new stage of life where the people that I was spending time with had chosen to stay at home. And they were doing the same activities. So the focus on conversation, I always felt like, was more about, what is my husband doing? What are my children doing? And slowly, I was losing what I was doing. So I feel like you make beautiful connections with your friends, through your children. But as you are growing as an individual, those friendships were more about them than about who we were,

Analiza: I can relate to that story, Sara. As someone who left their job, I lost my job, I went to Bangalore, for a short term assignment for my husband for six months, and I had a kid, he was only a few months old. And I also had a massive loss of identity, when people would ask me about what I did, I didn't have anything to say I was a mom. And plus no one really, other moms didn't, also didn't have jobs. So it was more about what our husbands did, and what cool projects they were working on. And that was a totally different life. And I remember crying, it was hard to to feel like I was worthy, and that I had something to stand on. So I really relate to your story. And I appreciate you sharing. So when did you Sarah, have a moment or realize that this is not the life that you wanted?

Sarah: So I had just finished volunteering in the morning at my daughter's elementary school. They needed a little help with some kids with intervention reading. So I said, Of course, I'll do that. And I got in the car one morning after doing that, and I sat down, and I had this overwhelming feeling. Because I just realized I have been out of the classroom for 10 years. And I don't necessarily see myself going back in there. I love seeing kids, but I just gave up 10 years of tenure and moved forward. And the idea of doing this full time. Now all of a sudden it hit me? No, I don't. But I also don't know what I want to do, or how I'm going to do anything. And this isn't making me happy. And I just like to remember sitting there bursting into tears. And feeling like, I don't even know what my options are anymore. I don't know exactly who I am. And I don't know where I want to be. And it was a really hard feeling to have. Because I had always been someone that was goal oriented and felt really good about what I could offer. And I felt so lost at that moment.

Analiza: Yeah, connect to that. And I want to fast forward then Sarah, you joined the Boss Mamas program. And we're joined by other high achieving women like you, what was your intention? What were you hoping to get out of the program? Why did you join?

Sarah: So I had started a business with one of my college friends, and I was about a year into it. And I thought, well, I am now working on something completely different. And maybe I can gain some strategies to help me in this new venture, you know how to be a boss in that area of my life. So with some encouragement, I signed up and thoughtI'll probably get some things out of it that will help me with this new area.

Analiza: So you're in the program, and there's lots of different strategies we learn for you, Sarah, what was the most helpful, the most impactful for your life?

Sarah: Well, I think that I wasn't prepared for how many areas of my life this was going to impact. So the most critical, I would say or important takeaway was, I realized that I wasn't living a joyful life. And I think that that sounds like so you know, basic, like what you mean, your, your life's nice, joyful, you're doing all these great things. But, um, you know, you asked the question, right at the beginning, what brings you joy? And I sat there and I'm like, I don't know what brings me joy. And that was where all of a sudden I was like, Oh, my goodness, this is going to be really important to my life.

Analiza: I love that you embrace that concept of joy because it often isn't where women go, that's not where society says, Okay, you're a female, you're a girl, you're a woman, like you should be happy and go follow your joy. It's kind of the antithesis of how we're brought up. So I love that you embrace that concept and pretty quickly at the beginning of the program. So for you, how did you go about making that? Taking it on the court and making that jump to even knowing what joy meant for you?

Sarah: It started so basic. I was like, Well, what makes me happy? So I decided, you know, I'm going to pull out a journal, and I'm just going to start keeping track of my day, you know, each day, what did I do? And at the end of the day, I'm going to look at it, I'm gonna say, well, Was I happy doing that? Or did I feel like, you know, that was just something I had to get done. And it brought me no joy. And I realized pretty quickly, that the list was weighed heavily on the side of just getting things done to get through the day, and to cross them off the list and, you know, kind of accomplish the tasks that needed to happen. So one thing that was so simple was one day, I just took a walk, and I came back, you know, I wrote down, I did that, but I wrote, so really fantastic. And at the end of the day, I remember looking at that thinking it was just a walk, and it made me feel changed, you know, it paused, it gave me a whole new outlook on what I was doing before I left. And it was simple. So I started there.

Analiza: So Sarah, doing all this journaling and reflection at the end of the day. What then did you start to notice that shifted for you. And let's start with your family, which shifted there,

Sarah:0 I realized that I had a totally different and better connection with my kids. And with my husband as my husband, the way that we communicated. And the time we spent together became much more joyful.

Analiza: How did you do that?

Sarah: Well, instead of in the past, I would have said, Okay, you're getting off the bus, we've got to be somewhere in an hour and a half, do your homework. And I didn't realize I wasn't sitting down and saying, you know, how was your day? What made you happy in your day, and I wasn't listening actively. It was just a task. So I feel like this balanced me to take the time when the kids come in, and actually enjoy them for a few minutes, and then figure out what we need to do. So it changed the whole tone of my house.

Analiza: I love that I did that. Often for women, moms were like the taskmaster of your home, doing your things. What are you done with? Why are you done yet? Keep going, you're late. And we're just trying to get them through as fast as possible? Versus how can we start to have those same tasks being done, but in a way that we can be loving, and that we can be present. So I really appreciate that example. So as a personal example, tell me about your business. What opened up for you in your business.

Sarah: I realized my business is a huge part of what brings me joy right now. I'm doing something for myself. And that has become my priority during the day. And I feel really good about clam right now and the things I'm working on. So I realized that I need that to be my priority each and every day.

Analiza: So great. And then there's this idea that self care, joy, it's daily. But in the class, Boss Mamas, was also about how there are treats, like treating ourselves. So for you what does that mean?

Sarah: Every once in a while just stop what you're doing and just do something fun. I haven't skied in a while and I am just skiing with children, like I haven't just skied as an adult by myself or with friends in a while. I'm going to go do that tomorrow. So I got the kids off to school. I cleared my day. And I took about three hours, a ski mountain by myself. And at one point I was going down and I was going so fast for me. And I just started laughing. And the laughter was not coming from a place of just being so happy. And it feels so good to give my time to something that I love to do. And it was just about me.

Analiza: How did you show up that day? Sarah, when you came home and your family and your husband had spent those hours.

Sarah: I was in such a good place. But the kids were so excited that I did that. Like they were so happy. And they thought it was so fun. That mom was out skiing for the day like you never do that. You know, so everybody felt my joy. There was a big ripple effect through the house that night.

Analiza: It's so true that the ripple effect of positivity, the fact of being tired and negative. So I love that you deliberately shifted. So stepping back and seeing all these opportunities for joy, the walks the leaning more into your business spending more time there having time for skiing. I mean, I could think to myself, that's a lot of time that I just don't have right now. So how did you make time in your schedule for joy?

Sarah: Well, I realized that you have to say, No, you have to put yourself first. And by putting yourself first you do a better job at the things you do choose to do. So you know, I would get the email saying, Can you come in and volunteer for this? And I had to say no. And honestly, it's a very uncomfortable thing to do at first. But the more I realized that I created time to do what I have to do, well, it opened up to enjoying the people that I care about the thing that I want to do. And it is amazing how much time you can give to things that you really don't want to be doing. When you take it away. You take back so much of who you are. It's just being consistent and saying no, and yes to yourself.

Analiza: That's amazing. And I'm curious, Sara, when you look back at your life, and you see the transformation from someone who is high achieving says yes to everything and everyone, to now still a high achieving Boss Mama saying no to those things that don't matter. Where do you think you learned that old style? Like, where did that come from?

Sarah: I think that I took it from my mom. She did everything. And I mean everything. She was a nurse who got her Master's. When I was a young child, she was working on her PhD, she ran a nursing school at a university plus she was a full time mom. So all of those things that she did, I took in as being this is what successful is. So I think that I tried to be who she was, and she did too much. Yeah,

Analiza: I did. I learned that too from my mom. So I definitely can relate. I love my mom. And I know she sacrificed so much. And you're into that also we can have a different definition that is about love to love of self as well. So thanks for sharing. So with that, Sarah, if we were to talk with other women, and they're listening to this, and thinking to themselves, well, I want joy now, because you got Joy pretty quickly, right? You turned it around like the next day and took a walk? What would you say? Because it sounds a little, maybe a bit overwhelming.

Sarah: I would say just start small. Ask yourself at the end of the day, like what is that one thing I did today that made me happy? Or what's one thing I'd like to do tomorrow and carve out five minutes, you know and see how you feel. And I think once you allow the joy to come in, you realize that you're willing to find other ways to make time and find things that are realistic for your schedule to do and it will grow. It will be an organic growth.

Analiza: Truly right taking on the court. You gotta try the baby steps first. And then we'll see. And there's actually more time than we think there's way more time than we think. Our first baby steps. That's awesome. Thanks, Sara. Now we're going to jump into lightning round questions. So first question chocolate or vanilla.

Sarah: Chocolate.

Analiza: Cooking or takeout?

Sarah: Takeout.

Analiza: Climb a mountain or jump from a plane.

Sarah: Mountain.

Analiza: Have you ever worn socks with sandals?

Sarah: No.

Analiza: How would you rate your karaoke skills on a scale of 1 to 10/10 being Mariah Carey?

Sarah: Oh, I would have to put myself at a solid zero.

Analiza: What's a recent book you read?

Sarah: The Henna Artist.

Analiza: What's your favorite way to practice self care?

Sarah: I appreciate time for a good blowout. So I will get up 15 minutes early or make sure I've put that into my schedule because I feel like you always feel better when you've given yourself a few minutes to take care of the way you look.

Analiza: Well you went to Boss Mama so tell me, what did you get out of Boss Mamas?

Sarah: Well, clearly adding joy into my life and making sure to have time for that but definitely calling on my community, setting the boundaries. Saying no and feeling good about that, you can say no and feel good about it. That's it.

Analiza: What is your definition of a Boss Mama?

Sarah: Oh, to believe in yourself, and to care about yourself enough to, to make time and to do things that are authentic and just for you.

Analiza: What advice would you give your younger self?

Sarah: I always say, don't be so hard on yourself and don't try to do it all.

Analiza: And then where can we find you?

Sarah: You can find me at flipfort.com on Instagram @Flipfort and on Facebook at Flipfort.

Analiza: Your new company is called Flipfort. Do you have a final ask or recommendation or any parting thoughts for our audience?

Sarah: I think I just ask for everyone to really take a deep breath and ask themselves the question that you asked me, which is what brings you joy? And if it's hard to answer that it's time to do a little soul searching and find ways to put yourself first.

Analiza: Amazing. Thank you so much, Sara, appreciate you.

Sarah: Thank you and I appreciate you too.

Analiza: Thank you so much for carving out time today to hear today's podcast. Three things before you go. First, if you found it helpful, please leave a five star review. Second, please share it with someone else. You can share the link and post on Facebook and say check it out. Lastly, I want to thank you for being a listener and you can go to get a free self care bonus called juice your joy at Analizawolf.com/freebonus. Thank you so much