Analiza: Welcome to the Women of Color Rise Podcast. I'm Analiza Quiroz Wolf, proud Filipino American executive leadership coach, and former CEO of a nonprofit and Captain in the US Air Force, and also the author of The Myths of Success: A Woman of Color's Guide to Leadership. It's based on the lessons learned of many women of color leaders, including those on this podcast.

We talk with successful CEOs and C suite women leaders of color, and learn about their leadership journeys. I'm on a mission to support having more diverse leaders at the table. If you're a woman or woman of color who wants a seat at that table, you're in the right place. Now let's get into today's show.

I'm thrilled to be talking with Mildred Otero today. She's the President of Leadership for Educational Equity, and she helps to make sure that le Leadership for Educational Equity members have high quality member experiences across all leadership pathways before LEE, she was the Chief Education Council for the US Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions. She was also the Senior Policy Officer for the Gates Foundation, a senior advisor at the US Department of State, and a senior policy advisor to then Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. Incredible work. I mean, she has cut her chops as a counselor for child victims of and physical abuse at the Brooklyn district's attorney. In terms of education, she earned her BA from the State University of New York at Albany and a Master of Social Work degree from the NYU silver School of Social Work. Wow. Mildred, I'm so grateful you're here. Thanks for joining.

Mildred: Thank you for having me.

Analiza: Mildred, I want to talk about identity. I know that you and I both really value our backgrounds in the multifaceted both racial and gender and all of the different intersectionalities of us. And I'm curious first, how do you identify yourself?

Mildred: Yeah, I identify as Latina. My mom is Dominican, and my father is Puerto Rican. I was born in New York City.

Analiza: And for that identity of yours, how did that shape this career? Did you know you're going to eventually be the lead of an organization? Did you know you'd want to work for a female senator? How did this all shape your career path?

Mildred: Yeah, I think I would probably say being the daughter of immigrants is more of the frame that I think about in the sense that from a very early age, I was chief interpreter advocate. What is it paper filler of all of the families, different ways in which they had to interact with government or agencies or offices. I did that, not only for my parents, but for my aunts and my uncles and so at a very early age, talking five, seven years old, I was in rooms with a lot of adults translating and advocating for my family when they needed services. And I just understood at a very early age, like this is not like, this is like, not normal, right? That you have to fight this hard, you know, to, like, get very basic things, that my family were just like, you know, hard working family, you know. And so I didn't know that, that in many ways, that first made me have a love for the law.

Like at first I thought I would be a lawyer, and that was sort of my journey. I was gonna go be a lawyer. And then what I realized in that sort of educational journey was I actually fell in love with social work. Because what I realized I went to go work in the District Attorney's Office, where I was at for six years, and I realized that it was the social workers who were intervening in families lives with concrete supports and services that allowed families to thrive while they were interacting with the criminal justice system, which is very difficult. So I sort of feel like I didn't have some well thought out plan to where I am today. It was an evolution of the things that I was learning.

So as an advocate, then I sort of became this clinician. And then in all of watching in ways in which the government worked, I had started out really just appreciating we need to change laws, and in order to change laws, I sort of evolved into that space. But it wasn't clear I didn't even know that was a job. If I'm being honest, at an early age, you don't think public policy is a job. You just think, well, someone's doing, you know, someone's making the rules. I don't know who the rule makers are. And so it was an interesting evolution.

Analiza: There's this piece of advocating at five years old for your family for basic. Like basic services, and then realizing that the connection point, Mildred, I hear you say, is it's not my family, and it's not, you know, our unique situation, it's the system, and that system is the government, these these laws, and you actually went into, I'll call it the beast, and in some ways it's a powerful move, because it's where there's real opportunity to make change for our country. At the same time, it's incredibly difficult, because there's so much bureaucracy and red tape that when you're a social worker or even a nonprofit leader, there's so much more flexibility. So can you just talk about that trade? Because there are differences, and you now lead, you know, your own nonprofit, like, how do you balance that? How did you decide, okay, I'm going to go into the beast. Here's what it's going to require of me, and then here's sort of how I made the pivot into more flexibility and still having impact.

Mildred: It is so critical to what I do every day here at LEE. So at LEE, we literally develop leaders to create civic change in America. I mean, we are unapologetically trying to change the face and values of civic leadership, of public service in America. And so this is one of the reasons why I love where I am now, and I love the work that we do, and we view this, just to answer your question, we look at our four leadership pathways, and we view it as inside power and outside power. So inside power are our policy leaders, our elected leaders. I think you use an interesting term, like, you know, going into the beast, right, understanding how halls of power work, and how do we leverage that towards change?

And then there's outside power, which are our advocates and our organizers who are in communities, lifting up the needs and solutions in a community. And it is when these four things and when we have amazing leaders in these four sectors in a community, that we start to see long, lasting change for communities, because there is power in both and it is how that power is being harnessed towards change that can really make a difference for kids and communities. I'm definitely an inside power leader. I learned that I do believe that everyone has a role to play. And one of the things that I feel very proud of when I look back at my work, not just, you know, on Capitol Hill, but in a lot of other spaces, is walking into a situation going, hmm, this does not look right, and having the ability to see a through line. Because one of the things that you have to learn when you're in a position, when you're working in a bureaucracy, is not just to say this doesn't work, but to be able to build, how does it work better? How do I move from this is not functioning for kids and communities that most need it to here is a better way to do it, because one of the things that I've and I talked to a lot of leaders, everyone wants to like, tear something down. That's easy.

I used to tell people all the time when I worked on Capitol Hill, when you're in the minority on Capitol Hill, that is a much easier job, because tearing something down, you know, it's like the game that you build up and then, like, tearing it down super easy. It is much harder to be in the majority. Is much harder to put together a piece of legislation, garner the right support for that piece of legislation, negotiate with the defectors of that idea and move all of the parties towards a bipartisan finish that the President can sign that is a much harder job. And so I do believe that I am a builder in that way. And it's interesting, because here at Lee, we say We are builders. We are builders of civic leadership. We are builders of better leaders in our country. And that's why I feel like in this role, I feel like I am moving in my purpose in that way, because I did it for many years, and now I want to teach others to do it, and I want others to be you know, when I left the hill, I said, like I am not enough one person, one leader. We need an army of leaders that can come to power with an equity mindset, understanding what kids and communities need and creating lasting change.

Analiza: Mildred, this skill that helped you realize many skills actually that helps you realize that you're best suited for inside power versus outside power. I want to pinpoint that, because there's a self knowing right that helped you, one, get into the belly of the beast, and then second, then try to replicate that you are not just one Mildred. You want to create many more people who affect change. I heard you say that it's this ability to spot that there's something wrong without the system itself, and to envision something different, some new possibility. And three, bring people along on that journey. Those are three things I heard, and I want to talk about that, because it's such a great combination for both your political career and then now what you do in trying to replicate that. Skill set. What else would you say would help people to say, well, you know what, I'm more like Mildred in terms of being an inside power person. Could you talk more about that skill set?

Mildred: Yeah, and I will say there's a couple of things that I feel like I've also developed over the years, right? So I would say, sort of innately me, even as a kid growing up. And I know this is maybe not scientific, but it's the way I think about it. I am a middle child. My zodiac sign is a Libra, so balance and understanding both sides of a particular issue is like an innate skill that I feel like I've had in my life. I understand my older sister like I understand my little sister, right, like I am both. I am a younger sister and an older sister, right? So there's something about that in the way your brain thinks about it. So I'm not someone that looks at an issue and gets dogmatic about it, right? And so there are, like, if I'm being honest, the older I get, the more I appreciate the gray.

You know, when I was 20, Analiza, yes, I walked around the world like it was black and white, and it is clear as day. And why doesn't everyone just get it the way I understand it? And then as I have gotten older, what you realize is that time humbles you, right? You understand, oh, wait, I thought this was all one way, and people are multifaceted. There is no one thing. No issue is one thing, and when you start to work on public policy, you also start to get at what was the root. Once you start getting at the root of something, then you can really dismantle it, because the root was trying to solve a thing, but solving maybe the wrong thing and solving for different things. But now we're living in a different America. So what are we solving for today? This no longer works for us. How do we move from point A to point B? And so I think that that's just an evolution of my own leadership.

And so one of the things that we work on here, that I talk to leaders about, is there are two traits that we have found in leaders that are effective. And I did a lot of searching and reading articles about this. One of them is self awareness, your ability to see yourself outside of yourself, right? So not just, oh, it's everyone else's fault. What's mine? What is a place I need to grow in? What is something I need to learn? What's my growing edge?

And the second is humility, an ability to say, Oh, I got that wrong, by the way. Analiza, I could go back to my career on Capitol Hill, and I'm like, Oh, I got a lot of I'm like, Oh, I got a lot of things wrong. If I could go back today, I would fix a lot of things, and I would make them different. And I'm also super proud of the things that I was able to accomplish. And so the ability to not decide that it's either or, the ability to hold all of it in one sort of messy, you know, is, I think a thing that I probably had some initial innate ability, and I have honed those skills over time. So when I think about if someone can think about themselves as inside power, it is there are no permanent friends, no permanent enemies, the ability to see things in a less dogmatic way, but still be super clear on your values and the things that are important, those things are not mutually exclusive.

I often tell a lot of leaders when I worked, especially when I first got to Capitol Hill, walking into a room was changing the conversation. As a woman of color, just stepping into a room of spaces that were not diverse shifted conversations. So I understood that responsibility very early on, and understanding that and how do you choose the moment? Right? Not choose every moment. You choose the moments that matter and the moments that you know those are all sort of. I also credit that I have a social work degree. I do think that that helped me to really understand human behavior, to understand the why, to be curious about people. We don't do this as well anymore and Alisa, but there was a time in our politics where we actually worked at getting to know the other side of the argument so that we could best position our argument. I think what I've unfortunately witnessed is a lot more well, they're just terrible people, and sometimes, you know, that makes you feel better, like they're just terrible. They don't get it. But I think it's harder work to say, why do they see the world that way? What about their childhood? What life experience brought them to that belief? Because when you can get there, then you can unpack that, and when you can dismantle that, that actually shifts mindsets towards a different outcome, but that's a different piece of work.

Analiza: Mildred, I want to highlight a few things. First is that your innate skill to see gray and be able to do this bridging of perspectives is a power skill of yours. Second, to have self awareness, to be able to see yourself as a growing person with learning edges all the time. Three, to have humility that you don't know at all and that there's lessons to learn from others. Four, to see your identity as a woman of color as the point as a way of change. And fifth, is connecting to people as people that we are children. We used to be children, and we have had our innocent child experiences. Have had experiences that have shaped us, and that when we can get to the root of being human, that there's so transformative power of change there, because it's no longer you're bad. You are of this identity, of this belief you're bad, but actually you're a human who got shaped. Can we talk about that?

Mildred: That is my lived experience Analiza. It is just a lesson I've learned.

Analiza: I want to talk about this because it's quite a power skill, and frankly, it's sad that this is such an aha, right? You're you live it. You've lived it since you were a child, and you're teaching leaders how to have this perspective. And we say it like, Okay, here's the five bullet points, like PowerPoint, slide it and, you know, have a moving graphic, like, check, check, check, right? But actually, it's a hard skill. It's a hard skill because we're super triggered. I have real trauma that happened when I was a child, and like a dog biting me. It feels that way. And so when you go to, I'm saying, you the general you. When someone is to say, well, actually, that belief, can we look at that? I'm like, the dog bit me, dude, I almost died. What felt like dying?

It's a hard one, hard for me as the person who could have a possible change of heart, right to go back and have enough safety to be able to relook at that and have a new perspective. And so I'm curious, because you teach the skill, you are a superhero heroine in having this skill you're trying to teach people because, in fact, this is a skill that helps us be more effective to have change. How does one handle even being self aware of our own triggers and beliefs, and we don't have the middle child power that you have of connecting, and how do we self regulate and then also be able to connect with the other to help bring it along, or must we have a mediator? I'm curious, what do you think of that?

Mildred: It's so interesting because I think it is. There's no one way. I wish there was one way. I will also say, at least, I don't want to. You know, have any of the listeners think that I've gotten this perfect? I am triggered all the time. There are a lot of moments I've had an executive coach who said, who always said to me, Mildred, you are super self aware. I'm never worried that you don't understand what's happening.

It's your self regulation we need to work because it is, it is a skill to self regulate in the moment, in real time. I do think that again, because I am a, you know, a trained social worker, one of the things that you're trained on is exactly that, right? Your clients can disclose to you anything, and in that moment, it's not about you, it's about them.

So one of the things that I work really hard on is that when something is triggering me, I try to decenter myself, which, by the way, I think is hard to do sometimes, right? And in decentering myself, I can grow my empathy for what I'm hearing once I've taken myself out of it, and I'm more in my analytical brain, and I'm sort of like, Oh, I wonder why they're saying that. I'm more curious. I wonder what that is for them, what's underneath that for them, versus how dare they say that thing? Do they not know what I'm experiencing and how I'm hearing that?

And by the way, I get it wrong often right. I'm also a New Yorker, so I'm really direct. So sometimes people say things and I could just be like, you know, it's just my reaction, but I think overall, what I work towards is that decentering and sort of getting more into my analytical brain. Again, it depends on the moment, it depends on the situation.

Analiza: I mean, Mildred, let's actually, do you mind?

Mildred: Yeah.

Analiza: Let's get into, like, a time you have to disclose names, but a time when the past week or month when you were triggered and you had to go from New York with, like, what the, you know, to coming back and to your analytical brain decentering. Could you, could you actually walk us through a bit because, again, it's like a PowerPoint slide. I'm like, take me to the moment so I can get it because I'm like, so activated. I'm like, what does it mean to decenter? Are you like tapping your head? Like, what?

Mildred: Let me say this last week, we had a conference of almost 200 people in Austin, and one of the things that I shared with my staff in advance is that this is like a wedding. Things will happen that you don't expect. Whenever you bring together a large group of people, something is going to go sideways. Our job at that moment is not to make that about us. In that moment, something's going to go sideways, and we're going to be solutions oriented. We're going to put a smile on our face, and we're going to not make this about us, and we're going to like, meet the moment, right?

So I was sharing this even with my staff. So in the last week, we had a whole bunch of people, and at least by definition, people say things that trigger you in different ways, right? But if you can, again, it's not a thing that I'm perfect all the time, but I I share it even with our staff, because when we put together a program, it's about our members, and we want our members to be centered. And so yeah, maybe the AV is not working the way you want it to.

Maybe the photographer didn't take the pictures that you said, you know, like all those things. But if you make it about that, then now we've distracted from the energy in the room being about the members and their learning and theirs and so I say that because I'll give you another concrete example, right? I've been in rooms where you're negotiating a bill and you have a staffer from the other side of the aisle who has very different life experiences and uses some terms that you're like, oh, you know. And by the way I was doing this, you know, you know, in a time where even now, there's, I think, a lot more sensitivity in places like Capitol than when I first, first arrived, and there were just certain words and terms that today would not be used, that were being used.

And in that moment, you're like, where am I? What is happening, right? And so just being able to get into your analytical brain of like, oh, is this a teachable moment? Because I've done that where I'm like, Oh, I hear you say this word just for your own learning and for ours in this room. Let me tell you a different word that would get to what you're saying but would not actually offend anyone while you're saying it right. Like, those are teachable moments. I don't use those as it doesn't have to be combative, is my point. But there's two ways to do it. You turn it into a teachable moment, hey, let's all learn together.

Or you turn it into a like, How dare you, how dare you. You're not bringing anybody with you, right? But that is, I think, what I'm hoping to leave you with, at least, is that it's not a thing that anyone gets perfect, but it's a journey. And if you're willing to get on the journey, and I don't know if it's generational, if I'm being honest, I came into the workforce at a time where there was not the level of even conversations that we have today about childhood traumas, ways in which we grew, ways in which we so all of that work. You know, it's sort of funny, because DEI is such a term that we're using today. But I tell people all the time my minor in undergrad was African American Studies and Latin America and the Caribbean. So I've been on a DEI journey since my early 20s, right? Like I was on the journey before the term came. And so it's been interesting to also find myself making space for, I think, the younger generation being at the early part of that journey, and so I've had to make space for Oh yeah, I remember how angry I was when I was at the beginning of my journey. I have to make space for their anger.

Today, I am not in that angry place anymore because I've done my healing. So what I try to balance is making space for people who are in an angry place because they're just discovering so much about America that they didn't know about and trying to show them that there is a place for healing in that. And how do you actually build and grow towards the future? You know, because the difficult thing on Analiza is like, I don't know about anybody else, but are we all leaving? Because we're not.

So if we're not all leaving, we have to coexist, and how do we do that in ways that are about building for the future and really focusing on our kids and the world we want them to inherit, and our job is to make that world more fair, more equitable, and all of those things. But we should not focus on the anger as much as we focus on the building.

Analiza: You have such a long view. Mildred, I just want to highlight that, because often the fights right here, right? Like, there's this bully, they're saying such inappropriate things, Mom, I don't think it's teachable, right? Like, I think we should go at this and how dare you. And I love that you open up space and compassion and empathy for all. To me, I'm hearing there's compassion and empathy for the person who said something inappropriate. There's compassion, empathy for the person who's hurting, the hurt. And there's compassion, empathy for yourself. It's a bit of a slog. There's rainbows, but there is quite a lot of slog that there is a protection of I hear of you and self awareness to say, okay, and I will come back the next day and preserve because there's something built bigger that we're trying to build towards, even though many might not see it. Oh my gosh, mild. You should run for something. I will vote for you. We need this voice.

Mildred: I mean, I think, I will say, one of the people that I look at it, I think is doing this so effectively at the national level, is Cory Booker, like I look at his ability to hold space for humanity, even when he himself is angry, and you see him get angry, it's not that he does not willing to fight the fights, but he's also willing to hold humanity for for other people in the space. I do think there are other leaders that are doing this well and right, and that, I hope we can continue to build more leaders that are focused on getting to the outcomes Right. Like, focused on the there are. You can fight every single day. Analiza, you just turn on your social media. There's something to be angry about, but it's like, how do we focus our energy on life, how are we moving our country and our society towards it? Is a different thing, a different thing, a new thing.

Analiza: Oh my gosh, I'm so inspired. All right, with that Mildred all these beautiful gems. Are you ready for lightning round questions?

Mildred: Oh, yes.

Analiza: Okay, first question, chocolate or vanilla?

Mildred: Yeah, chocolate.

Analiza: Cooking or takeout?

Mildred: I want to say cooking, but it's takeout these days.

Analiza: Climb a mountain or jump from a plane?

Mildred: Neither.

Analiza: Have you ever worn socks with sandals?

Mildred: No, I have not.

Analiza: How would you rate your karaoke skills on a scale of one to ten, ten being Mariah Carey?

Mildred: Yeah, I would say four. But that does not mean I don't love it. I love karaoke, even though I'm not the most skilled.

Analiza: What's a recent book you read?

Mildred: I'm actually in the middle of Grown Woman Talk by Sharon Malone that I'm really enjoying.

Analiza: What's your favorite way to practice self care?

Mildred: Oh, two ways. One is time with my nephews. I have a nephew who's 10, well, I have a nephew who's 30, but my 10 year old and my three year old nephew, they just remind me of the light in the world that we want to continue to harness. And so I spend time with them, and I see the world with a lot more hope. And then the second is massages, because why not? We need some of that too.

Analiza: What's a good professional development you've done?

Mildred: You know, as we were talking, one of the reflections I was having is how much some of the I think the skills that I've learned in this space were also harnessed by my Aspen Pahara program, and the ability to sit in a room with real diverse leaders from diverse backgrounds and analyze learnings together. It's been a good experience.

Analiza: What's your definition of a Boss Mama?

Mildred: Oh, you know, I would say someone who is clear on their priorities. If you're a Boss Mama, you've got to be clear on your priorities.

Analiza: And what advice would you give your younger self?

Mildred: Relax. God has a plan. Just relax. It's gonna work out.

Analiza: And where can we find you, like LinkedIn, anywhere else?

Mildred: Yeah, mostly on LinkedIn. I have a Twitter account, but I'm never on it.

Analiza: And then last question, do you have a final ask recommendation or pardoning thoughts to share.

Mildred: I would say that one of the things that I would love for everyone to really do is just get more civically engaged. Get more civically involved. You know, the hardest part of doing this work around leadership development and civic leadership, public leadership is disengagement. When folks are so turned off by what is happening that they just tune out. Then you let the loud voices win. Our country right now is literally running on the loud voices. There's a silent majority that is disengaged and that actually hurts us most.

Analiza: Oh my gosh. Mildred, thank you for your stories, these inspiring gems, hearing you talk about being civically engaged. I'm really grateful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Mildred: Thank you for having me on Analiza. This is wonderful.

Analiza: Thank you so much for carving out time to hear today's podcast, three things before you go. First, if you found it helpful, please leave a five star review. Second, you can get a free chapter of my book, The Myths of Success: A Woman of Color’s Guide to Leadership at analizawolf.com/freechapter. And lastly, if you're interested in executive coaching, please reach out to me at analiza@analizawolf.com. Thank you so very much.