Analiza: Welcome to the Women of Color Rise Podcast. I'm Analiza Quiroz Wolf, proud Filipina American, mom of two, and former CEO of a nonprofit and Captain in the US Air Force. I'm on a mission to support having more diverse leaders at the table. We'll be talking with successful CEOs and C suite women leaders of color and learning about their leadership journeys. If you're a woman or woman of color, who wants a seat at the table, you're in the right place. Now let's get into today's show.

I'm thrilled to be talking today with Meralis Hood. She's a thought leader with a mission of reshaping how we invest in people and leaders of communities. Right now she's the CEO of E for All. It's a nonprofit about accelerating economic and social impact through inclusive entrepreneurship. Before E for All, she was a market president for City Year. And her whole belief is that we can help young people succeed. In fact, before City Year, she was an assistant principal at Bayview High School in Milwaukee Public Schools. She was actually from Milwaukee, so she went back to serve in her community. And she's passionate about holding space for community organizations, talking about social justice, how can we move that work forward and do it with a view of wellness and mental health. In fact, in this pandemic she became a certified mental health communicator through Active Minds. It's such an important conversation Meralis to talk about mental health. So I'm so excited you did that. And now she lives in Florida with her husband of 19 years and their daughters, Selma and Sadie. So thank you so much for being here, Meralis. I'm excited about this conversation.

Meralis: Thank you so much for inviting me. I'm honored.

Analiza: So Meralis let's talk about this certification you got and why it was so powerful for you. Why did you choose at this time during the pandemic to lean into that?

Meralis: Yeah, so Active Minds was offering different scholarships for people to get their certification. And, you know, during the pandemic, we all had a little bit of extra time on our hands. And I had a story that I was already sharing, but I wanted to share it in a more powerful way, then my story is that I really struggled as a young person, specifically through my teens and early 20s with self harm, with depression, with extreme anxiety, panic attacks. I was having panic attacks and too much daily, from when I was probably in college to I would say about 27. And which is when I started to get help and get therapy.

But I really had nobody to talk to about it. Nobody was using the language of therapy, nobody was talking about panic attacks or anxiety, certainly not in my family and nothing bad against my family, we just didn't have the words. And it wasn't the culture to talk about that.

And I realized, in the pandemic, I have a daughter, she's 15. Now she's about to be 16 in a couple of months, but she was in seventh grade when the pandemic started. And I realized that I wanted to, I saw her struggling with some of the things that I was struggling with, too, as a young person. And I was like, I have to figure out a way to powerfully tell this story to her and others in a way that encourages conversation and encourages others to share to not make it just like it's not me sharing my story to make it about me, it's me sharing my story to help others also share their story and feel more comfortable saying like, actually, I've felt that way before or you know, I might want to try therapy and those kinds of things.

Analiza: Meralis back in the day, and when we didn't even have Google, right. Like, there's no Google and there's no, let's talk about mental health. I don't even know if we had those words, mental health. I think therapy was a bad word, right? Like what's wrong with you? Why would you need to do that? You need to fix it, like have a certain facade. And so I'd love for you to share just how was it for you growing up? What do you think, you know, contributed to what was going on when you were a young person?

Meralis: Yeah. So I mean, I grew up in an amazing family with amazing parents who loved me very much. But to be honest, my mom's a perfectionist. And she had really, really high standards for, you know, how I was to behave, how I was to like, what my accomplishments were going to be. And that led to a lot of external success. I graduated high school at 16. I graduated from Marquette at 21. I was a straight A student in high school I was you know, kind of like hitting all the marks of what a young person what we all praise in young people and I noticed that now being an adult, the kinds of things we notice about young people were like, great kit, right, because we're praising those external achievements, which are great, but there's a lot of pain under there for some people.

And for me, it was really about noticing that I had to kind of have this perfection, facade and hide my real feelings. And so what that created for me was a world in which I wasn't showing, like, when I was struggling, I wasn't talking about it, I was hiding a lot of my emotions, I was hiding a lot of my anxiety around, you know, anytime that I would fail, that was like, not good. That was a big, big struggle for me. Anytime that anything would go wrong. I mean, I'm talking like a flat tire could throw me into a panic attack that would last days, because I would just feel like such a failure, like I was just doing life wrong. And these are things that are happening to people, bad things happened to everybody. And I didn't have the tools to manage my mental health.

And honestly, I ended up going to therapy, because I was pretty much forced to because I harmed myself to the point where I didn't really have a choice. And, you know, when you're in that position when you're hospitalized, and you're told like, this is it, you're doing this, that actually saved my life. But it wasn't probably the ideal position for me to be in in terms of seeking help. It was kind of like an end of the rope kind of thing.

Analiza: I mean, your career after that, going into education. I mean, you're a veteran educator, having done that for now, decades. And so curious, as you've led in your organization, how has that shifted your perspective on how to make it safe for young people to express doubt, to not be perfect to fail? So I'm curious, how is that influenced.

Meralis: And I mean, the reality is, it wasn't just my career after that is my career during that. I mean, I was excelling at work. During this time, I was leading teams, I was, you know, kind of doing all the things I was working really, really hard. And I've always been a really, really hard worker with a strong work ethic. And I think I was able to hide a lot of my struggles behind, again, those external successes. And those, you know, Teacher of the Year awards and those kinds of things. Were helping me hide the fact that I was not in a good place. And it's just so interesting to me, because there's like, there was the leader before and there's the leader after but I was always a leader, I've always felt called to lead others. And I was raised that way to be honest.

And that's what I heard every single day from my mother, she I mean, she was just like, my mother would say two things when I left the house glossa, which means first class. And what she meant by that was like, This is what I need from you, like first class behavior, first class grades, first class, everything. And you know, you're the head and not the tail, like you're a leader. And that was something I heard every day since I was a little girl.

And so what that does to you is like, Okay, I have this responsibility, I better get on it. And I better work hard, and serve others. And so I think, beforehand, I was very guarded. As a leader, I was very, not vulnerable. I was very curt. I had very little patience for anybody who wasn't meeting my standards, because I thought my standards were perfect. So your standards had to be perfect. I didn't have any real relationships, because I wasn't able to be vulnerable with anybody. And so I wasn't in relationship with anyone, not even my own husband, to be honest, because I didn't have any kind of healthy boundaries.

And since then, I would say, you know, in the last 15 years of therapy, and just like mindfulness and prayer and meditation practices, like all the healthy practices, I've been able to develop over 15 years of real, intense focus and have made me a better leader. I'm not afraid to be vulnerable. I'm not afraid to say, yeah, I really messed that up. Sorry about that. All right. I'm not afraid to fail. And it's made me pretty fearless as a leader, because I feel like we can try anything. There's no fear, because we can try whatever we can work as a team. I believe in others. I trust others. I'm a better delegator. I just think it's just made me such a much better leader to go through this mental health journey where you know, before I probably would have been like a great leader on the outside, but people probably hated working for me, to be honest, probably didn't enjoy themselves too much.

Analiza: Meralis, be fearless. I mean, there's one thing to say, Okay, let's be vulnerable. And let's open up and allow others to be part of the mission, right delegate. Those are really beautiful leadership moves, right. But then to take it up a notch and actually say, Be fearless. That's something we don't hear that often. I have not heard that often, especially as a woman of color. Here we go. Let's be fearless. Can you actually map how does one go from here to there? Okay, let's go to therapy, mindfulness, and then go to be fearless. Like, talk to you?

Meralis: Yeah, I mean, there's been a lot of self reflection for me and a lot of building of emotional intelligence. And I think one of the things that I've learned is, things have already gone really wrong in my life, right? I've already hit rock bottom. I mean, I've already hit the point in my life where I was, again hospitalized against my will. Right, which kind of broke open and everybody in my family, including my husband, had to know my big dark secret, which was, yeah, I've been struggling with these kind of ideations of harming myself and actually tried to harm myself several times. And I have kept it a secret. And now you all know, that was embarrassing at the time, that was like, the worst thing that I thought could have happened to me, I also didn't really have a lot of hope for the future.

And I think a lot of a lot of times, we don't talk about mental health, and specifically for my story, like, because I didn't have hope for a future I really wasn't planning on ever, like growing old, I wasn't planning on ever getting to the next stage, because I was just suffering so much, that I wasn't wise with my money. It was completely I was like, less than broke, right? I was a teacher, I had a career, I was a veteran teacher, I was, you know, doing pretty well. But I was, I just didn't care. I didn't care to make any kind of financial plan or any kind of like, plan for the future. So I lost my house. Right? I mean, in like a span of like, two years, I was hospitalized, I lost my house, just like anything that could happen to a person happened to me. And I think realizing like now seeing how far I've come and like what a different life it is. There's no reason for me to be afraid. I feel like I've been through the worst of it. And I know, like, the worst of it didn't really break me and actually helped me get better in so many ways. And so I think when it comes to business, obviously, be wise, be smart.

But yeah, I tell my team all the time. Like, let's just try it. Let's not be afraid if there's something that we want to try. And you know, right now I'm working with my team on strategic planning. It is brand new to the team. And we're building the team, we're looking to see where can II for all really serve? What can we do? And we have this big goal of serving 50,000 entrepreneurs, and that sounds scary to my team, because they're like, fit where are we gonna get 50,000 people from, you know, right now we serve maybe 500 a year. And so really taking that number to such a large extreme. And, you know, my thing is like, Y'all, let's build the infrastructure to do it. And let's see what happens. Let's say we get to 20,000. Okay, then it's gonna be okay. But let's not be afraid to go for it just because we don't think we're going to be meet that goal.

Analiza: Gosh, I hear you say that in the darkest of times, those are actually when the light came in. And you are like, Dude, it doesn't get any worse than that. And now, we'll know people know the dark times. Like, let's go for it. And really, so what if you don't hit 50,000? Like, what's gonna happen? Like, whatever. I mean, it's interesting, because I feel like we are women, right? Women of Color, especially we beat ourselves up, especially with one like amazing moms. People are role models. We're like, go for it, man. Always be the 16 year old graduate, 21 year old graduate, be the teacher of the year, you know, you just go out there you be the best, and they're like, trying to support you, right? You're both moms and tell me my beliefs as a mom. How do you both like, show so much love and belief in your child? At the same time? Allow for, you know, what you don't have to? So I'm curious, how do you balance that? Because that is a toughie?

Meralis: Yeah, it is hard. I think a lot of it has been about me reflecting on making sure I'm not projecting myself onto my children. Right. So I was really good at math. I mean, I was like taking calculus, you know, I'm a 16 year old senior taking AP calculus and acing it. Right. So that was like, my math brain, my older daughter doesn't have that she just, that's just not the way her brain works. And like, you know, fifth grade, sixth grade, I noticed right away, I'm like, okay, she doesn't problem solve the way I problem solve. And that's okay. I don't have to shame her for not getting like a plus in math every single time like, and I had to reflect on that, like, she can get to see and still be an amazing person and still be an amazing student and still be proud of herself and still be a good mom, like to her and not have to shame her at every turn, for not hitting these marks of perfectionism that I learned.

And so like I had to like, again, it's part of like, Honoring Your Parents for them giving you what they gave you. And then also like unlearning some of the things that they need to like to heal and unlearn a few things because my parents weren't perfect either. Just like I'm not perfect. And so they, you know, probably could do things differently, looking back and I will probably look back and say I would want to do things differently. But, you know, when report cards come out, we don't sit and highlight every single line like the way my mom did, right? Like everything had to be perfect. And she was like there with the highlighter highlighting all the comments and I don't sit and do them like, look, here's what you got, what's your goal for next time? And she's like, okay, my goal is this sounds like a plan.

Like you have to have sovereignty over your own life because when I tell her like you're 15 years old, you're gonna keep growing and if you don't learn how to set and meet goals on your own, like nothing that no pressure that I put on you no amount of grounding you know amount of making you feel bad about yourself is going to help you be the kind of woman that I want you to be which is a woman that has a sense of herself a woman that has security and who she isn't a woman that knows, like, she doesn't have to be perfect to meet everybody's marks. She can be like a little flawed. And that's so beautiful.

Analiza: The point of not projecting our own stuff on our kids. So hard, right? Like, okay, I've got this protectionist step. That's not for you to take mommy's load. I mean, that recognition. First, you talk to her about that? Do you say mommy struggled with perfection? I don't want to, like, call me out. Like, I'm curious, like, how honest are you with her about your own stuff, and not projecting?

Meralis: I'm very honest. So the first time I talked to her about my struggles with anxiety, it was a story that came out in the paper about me. And this is a few years ago, probably 2017. In Milwaukee, one of the education reporters interviewed me and ended up writing the whole story about my mental health struggles, because he just was compelled to at the time, and I told my husband, like, just hit me that, you know, she's at the age where she can read, she gonna see this article in places and it's like, you know, it's in the Sunday paper, and I should probably sit her down and I took her out, I sat her down, and, you know, talk through some stuff, let her read the article.

And just like when I realized, like, I was doing an okay job as a mom, she was like, you know, that was really irresponsible of you. And I was like, what was and she's like, You didn't take care of yourself. She's like, you put everybody else before yourself, and you didn't take care of yourself. She's like, that's not responsible. Then I was like, wow, first of all, you're 10 years old. Second of all, like, I did that, I taught you that. I taught you how important it is to prioritize and be responsible for yourself. And like, now you're playing it back to me, but you're playing it back to me because because you learned that because you're in a place where you feel comfortable enough to give me that feedback. I would never have given my mom feedback, realizing, like, you know, when you feel anxious, this is what it feels like. Or when we have conversations like that all the time. And we're very open in my house about therapy, we're, we're not embarrassed about therapy, we're therapy. It's okay. It's okay to be in therapy. And it's okay to ask for it. And it's like, it's, there's no shame in any of those things. And talking to somebody and her therapist is amazing. She loves her therapist so much. And it's like, it's so cool to see her see that as a privilege and like an honor to get to go to therapy, like she knows it is a privilege and not be embarrassed.

Analiza: If this conversation you had with your doctor at 10. And she's reading about her mama in the paper and to tell you, you should take care of yourself. Like, um, I love that because she's really internalized it right. Like, she's not just like, what do we learn? It's like she actually said this with conviction. So if you're here, I mean, as moms right? We want them to know, you first. You first above all else, because that is quite a thing. For me personally, I had to unlearn I am unlearning from my dear mother, who I know would give her life for me. So let's go there. Yeah, right are moms who love this also, like taught this things? Sell me anything else that your mom I mean society as a woman of color, achieving anything else that you are just like, this is a myth that I now realize that is not true. Anything you want to share there.

Meralis: To me, probably the ability to ask for help and depend on people has been something that I've had to learn and unlearn this idea of like, I'm the most independent person and I can help you, but you can't help me. My therapist actually helped me realize like, she was like, You're being really judgmental when you say that, like you're judging the fact that you're making it seem like you're like more powerful, and you're more equipped to help others and they're not equipped to help you. You're not actually like, you think you're being kind by not putting your stuff on them. You're actually judging their ability to handle things, and you're making decisions for them. And people might want to help you just the way you help them.

And it was a revelation for me like it was pretty deep. I was like, Wait, judging people, right? Like it. She was like, Yeah, you're kind of like putting yourself here, and everybody else is here, right? And nobody's good enough to come up here to help you. And you're kind of like the savior of everybody. And I was just like, wow, like, I didn't realize that was my mindset for so long.

And why I wasn't letting other people in to support me and why I wasn't actively asking for help. Because we all need help, then, you know, I think like, even recently, so, you know, my mom passed away eight months ago. Oh, yeah. It's been a journey for me to learn how to reach out to my friends and say like, No, I'm having a really bad day. Can you talk or do you want to like, you know, text for a few minutes and being able to do that has been so empowering because I know 25 year old Meralis would never have done that. She would have gone like trudging through, you know, working, getting it done, smiling through the whole thing. I mean, like I've always had a very positive energy and like smiley energy, and I like people so like, You know, I have that little bit of like, like people like, Oh, she's great. She's always happy. She's funny, she's this, she's that, you know, so I've always had kind of that energy. And that would have just kept doing that.

And no one now I'm able to be like, I mean, I told my team one day, I was like, I can't come to work today. And they were like, you know, somebody was like, are you okay? And I was just honest, I said, I'm just having a really sad day. You know, like, I'm just sad today, and I need a minute for myself. And that took a lot for me to say, I could have easily been like, I could lie and be like, I'm sick. You know? No, I think, like, I've COVID for whatever.

But there was a moment in answering that question that I was like, what are you gonna say? Right? You're gonna be honest about your struggles. And then people are like, Thank you for sharing that with me. And then they're willing to, you know, what do you need from me today? Then the question is like, what do you need? How can I help you? And then you're like, opening the door for people to be there for you. Which is like, as a leader, we're not really taught how to let people be there for us. Right? Like, we're the ones that have to be there for everybody else. And that moment of like, you get to be there for the leader. Could you imagine how empowering that is?

Analiza: Can you talk about Meralis this openness, vulnerability to letting people in to see if part of you that's the not the strongest? And it's an invitation, but also, I wonder if they're all people like, does that always work? Like, how do you balance like, some people will think that's an invitation, I would think calm, at least opened up to me, I really want to be there for her friend, coworker, boss. And then also like, Oh, she is kind of weak, like, how come she couldn't handle that really? Like you're sad? Like, I'm sad. I'm curious. How do you balance like the two both rotation?

Meralis: Yeah. And, you know, I think it's very scary, to share things to be vulnerable. It's so scary. In the moment. It's scary for me, I struggle with overthinking. So, you know, after a conversation, I will replay it over and over, and I will replay, you know, invent a narrative about what the person now thinks of me. You know, like, they probably think I'm just like, such a weakling. And I've had to learn how meditation really does help me, I've had to learn how to be in the moment, just be present and just be like, true to what is in the moment for me, and also have really healthy boundaries. You know, it's not necessarily about oversharing my stuff with everybody. And that's one of the key things.

I've learned Active Minds like that. Mental Health communicator certification really helped me with that, too, is like, what, you know, how do you share and in what moments and with who and in what venue? All those things matter? Like what parts of your story you don't owe everybody every part of your story, right? You don't owe everybody everything that's not invulnerability is, and really having that developing that emotional intelligence to know like, Okay, this is the boundary, like, you're my employee, I'm your boss, I'm your my direct report, then yeah, I was grieving this week. And I had a really hard day of grief, like the holidays really did bring it on to me, and I didn't expect it. And I'm going to be honest with you about that. And then like, but we're not going to make our whole relationship about, like you being there. For me, I'm just going to share that with you and let you know, and then we're going to move on. Right, we're gonna keep doing what we do and have like, it's still a really healthy, direct report relationship manager relationship, but you'll know that I'm always being honest with you.

And you'll know, I'm not gonna lie to you. Like, I'm not gonna like, remember that Thursday that you were sick. And I wouldn't be like, wait, I was sick. No, it wasn't. All right. Like not not to remember the fact that I totally made up a story about something that didn't happen when I could have just easily been like, you know what, I was grieving. Okay, that's normal.

Analiza: Yeah, I love the recognition in yourself. Here's what I'm going through. And here's also how I'm going to be open and honest and vulnerable. But also know there's boundaries, right? This is not my direct report, I'm not going to go and like, have a therapy call here right now. I'm like, I'm sad. It's what I'm going through. And here's what I need. Or here's like, here's the boundary, and then keep moving. Like you don't have to just let it all rip, right? Let it rip. And that's like a very important skill, skill I'm learning so we can be open, but not just throw it all out into the world and then trust that the person will hold it so powerful. And then at least I want to ask this question about being a CEO. And you've just talked about so many shifts, being vulnerable, asking for help, knowing that you can, you know, mental health is important and talking about that and taking care of yourself. Any other as you think about like the reflection from pre post now met at least the CEO, a leadership mindset, or move or just here's now what I believe I didn't before.

Meralis: It's really good. I think the biggest mindset to me, and especially as a woman of color, is that I belong in this role. That's so important for me to know, every day that I've earned it. Number one, I belong here number one, and number two, and good at it. And that's okay. Right, like, it's okay for me to say that about myself, like, you know, I'm really good at my job. And I know I'm a good leader. And I know like, I have weaknesses, for sure. But I'm really clear on what my strengths are. And I know connecting with people as a string. Being a strong manager as a strength, setting goals, and reaching them has always been my strength. It's never something I've struggled with other than just like, still letting those things like those parts of me don't have to fall away because I've learned like that, that like a young Meralis who was like acing every test is still that's me. So like, I don't have to let that go in order to be healthy, I can still be like a go-getter, I can still do my thing. I can still have a strong work ethic, all those things are still mean, I've earned this position. I've earned the right to be here and the right to be at the table. And like that kind of impostor syndrome kind of thing, right? Like, that's something that I'm like, No, we're not going to do that.

Because I actually learned from a mentor. I was asking her about imposter syndrome. This was many years ago when I was struggling with impostor syndrome, and like leadership, and man, I don't even think I'm good enough to be here, right? And she was like, Meralis, you don't feel like you belong? How can you create spaces of belonging for others? And I was like, Wow, such a good point. I don't feel like I belong. I keep creating, you know, we talk about diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging. Belonging is such an important part of our dei work. If our people feel like they don't belong in spaces, you can't even get to equity. Forget diversity, we're getting closer to that. And if you really do I really do care about social justice and creating inclusive and diverse spaces and getting to a point of equity in our society. But that starts with me recognizing how I belong, so that I can create spaces to show you belong.

Analiza: Beautiful. Oh my gosh, if you can't model if you can't believe it yourself, how can you really show others that it's possible? Especially as a woman of color at that top seat? So freaking powerful. All right, with that Meralis let's go to lightning round. Ready?

Meralis: Scared, okay. Yes.

Analiza: Chocolate or vanilla?

Meralis: Chocolate.

Analiza: Cooking, or take out?

Meralis: Cooking such a good therapeutic thing?

Analiza: Climb a mountain or jump from a plane?

Meralis: Climb a mountain? For sure.

Analiza: Have you ever worn socks with sandals?

Meralis: Always wear my birks and my socks.

Analiza: How would you rate your karaoke skills scale of one to 10-10 being Mariah Carey

Meralis: 10 Plus, I have a whole like sing along playlist. I like I prep for karaoke. Even if there's no karaoke round, I'm in my car, prepping for karaoke.

Analiza: What is a recent book you read?

Meralis: I read a book like every other day, I literally I read 54 books last year, I'll probably read 60 this year. It's a little ridiculous and addictive. So the last one that I read that I really enjoyed, which was a couple weeks ago was like my first book of the year, what was Living Untethered by Michael Singer. Hmm. And it's been, it's just really helped me I pick a word every year to focus on and this year, my word is surrender. And his book Living Untethered really has helped me think about mindset and mindfulness and being in the moment and what it looks like to really care for like, who I am.

Analiza: That's a great book. Yes. What's your favorite way to practice self care?

Meralis: Just like walking, taking walks and breathing, being by myself. And also cooking. Those are my two big things if I'm like, in the kitchen chopping, that's, you know, I've had a long day.

Analiza: What's a good professional development needs done?

Meralis: Pahara it's my favorite one probably being part of the Pahara group and being a Fellow, probably the most powerful professional development I've ever done.

Analiza: What is your definition of a Boss Mama?

Meralis: A definition of a Boss Mama is a woman who has a community that isn't afraid to ask for help. And isn't afraid of her own strength?

Analiza: What advice would you give your younger self?

Meralis: I would say trust yourself to take care of you.

Analiza: And where can we find you like LinkedIn or anywhere else like that?

Meralis Hood 29:10 Yeah have on LinkedIn. Meralis Hood I'm also on Instagram, Mera Cognitive. So M e r a cognitive and those are really the only social media I have. My daughter told me I cannot mess up Tik Tok for her. So I don't have tick tock and I don't have Facebook or anything like that. So find me on LinkedIn or Instagram.

Analiza: Perfect. And then last question, do you have a final ask recommendation or any parting thoughts to share?

Meralis: I just want to remind all women, women of color that are in leadership or aspiring leaders, that you're good enough. Like that's like my message is we need you. We need you as leaders and not to exploit you. We need you because of what you've been through, what you've experienced, the heart that you have, the culture that you bring to the table. That is what our spaces need. So don't be afraid of that power. lean into it.

Analiza: Amazing Meralis. Thank you for your time. Thank you for the stories and vulnerability. I really appreciate you.

Meralis: It's been such an honor. Thank you so much for inviting me.

Analiza: Thank you so much for carving out time today to hear today's podcast. Three things before you go. First, if you found it helpful, please leave a five star review. Second, please share with someone else you can share the link and posts on Facebook and say check it out. Lastly, I want to thank you for being a listener and you can go to get a free self care bonus called juice your joy at analizawolf.com/freebonus. Thank you so much.